Bush Hogging

by Jim Floyd


Para After the State of the Union speech by President Bush any clod-hopping-dirt farmer can tell you what we need. In the vernacular of the farm yard, we need to park that damn manure-spreader and crank-up the bush-hog. We have over-used the manure spreader but are way behind on bush-hogging.

Para As I listened to Bush, I kept thinking of a bush-hog as a weapon of mass destruction, and the driver a terrorist. Call me a bush hog terrorist, me thought, I don't care, anymore! Somebody do something!

Para George keeps saying that he is ridding the world of terrorists and that he is gonna hunt'um down, and smoke'um out, as if he were possum-hunting. All the while, I keep thinking, out side the circle, that we don't need less terrorism, we need more terrorism.

Para The Inner Circle continues to lie with impunity and without fear of meaningful opposition. Can we not reclaim and support the kind of terrorism that freed us from that other George, of a few centuries ago?

Para I thought of meself as a John Deere terrorist, riding high-up, fast, and mowing-down all them ugly weeds on both sides of the field. Notice I said "thought."

Para Then I thought how beautiful and how wonderfully scented is a new mowed field. Notice I said "thought."

Para Every time I had one of these thoughts the camera would show John Ashcroft's face and I would forget the herbicides, weed eaters, bush hogs, and I could only think of Winston Smith, Goldstein, room 101, and Thought Police.

Para Did they know what I was thinking? Thinking that most of our weed problems were in that audience? They can't arrest God, can they? Pray with me, brothers and sisters that our 'Great Wheat Farmer' in the sky, will crank-up His bush-hog, break out the holy herbicides, and help us make America beautiful once again.

Para Jesus told us to think on things that are beautiful and get our minds off ugly weeds and tares. Well, Jesus must have missed this speech and the follow-ups.

Para It wasn't the presentation, Bush was Bush. He always reminds me of an amateur Benito Mussolini with his cocksure smirk. Lying with confidence takes practice. After much tutoring, Bush did an extraordinary job, an unprecedented job, of running his manure spreader. I sat and watched as he went systematically up and down each row of the field and all the weeds on the right side opened every pore and gleefully received the thick spray of dark organic material, the rich effluence, that he so liberally spewed upon the willing, and the unwilling. The unwilling feigned repulsion as if their feces were odorless.

Para Oh, did you see the self-righteous Democrats? "What is Teddy Kennedy doing," asked the old lady? Ted appeared to be preening himself. He used his fingers, rubbing them under his neck and then flicking them off. "He's trying to clean the stuff off of him," me said.

Para The truth is that the honey wagons of both parties are the same, smells the same, contains the same excrement and is over-used. You don't have to be an environmentalist to know that a little fertilizer is good but too much is called pollution. The nose knows.

Para There ain't one cow-paddy difference between the Democrats and the Republicans, nor can there be a partisan view point when they all work for the same bosses. The marionette can only do the wishes of his puppeteer.


Para "The economy is growing," said Bush. More manure, says I. Here are the guts of the Bush plan for our economy;

Feed the horse ample oats, and some will pass through whole, and fall to the roadway for the lesser animals.

Para "No child left behind," more manure. The only way he includes my White children, in his plans, is as a payee. They now owe about fifty thousand dollars with no end in sight. It must be alright to pass the Bush debt on to the next generation cause Dick 'What's good for Haliburton is good for America' Cheney says debt don't hurt anything.

Para An Omnibus spending bill carries with it an Omnibus pay-back requirement!

Para Amnesty? Take a deep whiff, folks! Have you forgotten Bill Clinton's problem with the word 'is?' Remember, we were told that we must define what the word is, is. Bush has the same hang-up with the word 'amnesty.'

Para Everything this man touches turns brown and starts stinking.

Perpetual war and Bush war theology:

Para I been talking to God about God talking to Bush. (Bush said that God told him to invade Iraq) God isn't really all that talkative and seems unwilling to accept the blame for this mess. Humans have always blamed God or the devil for dumb things by saying, God told me to do it, or the devil made me do it.

Para Bush's less spiritual reasons for this war fare no better. Weapons of mass destruction, mushroom clouds, forty five minutes away from incineration, stock piles of gas, all shifted down in his speech to "programs" on file, notes, hearsay, could have, and might have had in the future.

Casus Belli

Para The only true fact that Bush gave us for starting this war was, "Why, he tried to kill my daddy." Oh George, this may come as a surprise to you but there are lots of people that have wished yo daddy was dead!

Para I remember when a news man criticized Margaret Truman's singing. President Harry got real mad but he didn't send the army after the press, no, no, he cussed the man out and threatened to whoop his butt.

Para Real Presidents don't use the army for personal vendettas. What's next George? Are we going after roadhouses in Texas that got your daughters drunk? A war against an Axis of Asses in Texas? That may be a long damn war but it does have a ring to it.

Para Why are our boys and girls dying to free Iraq, dying for Iraq, dying to make the region safe for "our friends," Israel, dying for dollars?

Para It seems inconceivable but Bush told us that he wanted freedom from tyranny for the Iraqis and the Patriot Act II for us? And the Alabama delegation stood and clapped? I seemed to hear the entire group break into a deep, slow, rhythmical chant of "B-B! , B-B!"

ParaThen there is the 'Democracy for Iraq thing.' We want elections, soon.

ParaWhoa dar, Jimbo! That is enough for now. Stay tuned for "democracy in Iraq." Colon Powell on, one man one vote. Coming soon!

ParaThis is Bishop Floyd saying goodbye until next we meet. Always remember and never forget that people wearing overalls can make a difference if they keep their sling blades sharp.

Bishop James Floyd



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