Sex, Bar-be-cue, and Senator Hatch

Jim Floyd



   Yes! There have been times in me life when I lost all cognitivity. 
   There have been two things, in my Southern upbringing, which 
   have, invariably, rendered me cognitively deficient.  Or as we say, 
   down here, as dumb as a dead mule.  And those two wonderful 
   things are sex and good pork bar-be-cue.

   Once, at an earlier age, I ate a fine bar-be-cue sandwich while 
   having sex.  It was an ab-so-damn-lute disaster. I began to cry 
   and me voice choked, I could hardly force words from my mouth, 
   it was as if I were having a religious experience. 

   Wait a minute! I don't need all this superlative verbiage to 
   explain the dangers of mixing sex and bar-be-cue.  We just had 
   a fine example of the kind of instantaneous brain-death of which 
   I speak.  I saw it on C-Span.  It was Senator Hatch, from Utah, 
   and he was addressing the Republican J-w Coalition.

   All of a sudden, tears came to his eyes.  He said, "I love you, I 
   always loved you, J-ws."  Then there it was, brothers and sisters, 
   that cognitive deficiency, shortness of breath, stammering, 
   incoherent babblings, total discoloration about the neck and face, 
   a mystical, far-a-way, religious gaze in his eyeballs, and other 
   signs of ecstatic behavior, the same, the exact same thing that 
   happened to me, in me youth, when I mix good sex with great pork 

   Now, you gonna think that I'm making this up, but I ain't.  Hatch 
   went on and on with his declaration of loyalty to the bastard state 
   of Israel and then, suddenly, as if the spirit had fallen upon him, 
   he began to speak in tongues and prophesy.

   He said, "If I am elected president, I'll see to it that Jerusalem 
   remains the undivided and indivisible capitol of UTAH."

   He said, "I'm wearing my mezuzah and I've worn it, everyday, for 
   fifteen years."

   Whoa! Me said, this clown is having a sex/bar-be-cue reaction.  
   You can't wear a mezuzah.  Only a doorpost can wear a mezuzah. 
   I got up close to the TV and looked through me bifocals and I 
   didn't see no doorpost. 

   All I saw was a silly old, pandering fool of a man.  A deluded 
   Mormon-Zionist, begging, praying even, for support from a room 
   full of Khazars. 

   Khazars, phony J-ws, innocent of any Hebrew DNA, void of any 
   kinship to the Israelites, pretenders, wanna-be, so-called J-ws, 
   all smirking their little Ashkenazi smirks at the ignorance of 
   this imbecilic, parliamentary whore. 

   I have to tell you, this nation needs another president who is 
   approved and elected by J-ws about as much as Salt Lake City needs 
   to become the capitol of Israel or about as much as I need, at me 
   delicate age, to mix sex and pork bar-be-cue!

Jim Floyd


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